Stress Free Holidays

Let's discuss three issues that many people experience and ways to have stress free holidays. Even though I do not take part in Christmas gatherings anymore, as I did when I wrote this article, you can still relate it to any get-together or gift-giving occasion.

Giving for stress free holidays

Giving gifts motivated by feelings of obligation and expectation is not your only option. Mindless merchandising and pressure-driven gift-buying has become a tradition for many people during the holidays; this results in meaningless giving, unwise use of your hard-earned money, and the accumulation of the dreaded "stuff".

Apply these money management tips to stay "in the black" with your finances; not only during Christmas, but all year long.

Here are some ways to combat wrongly-motivated giving in order to have stress free holidays.

• Politely share your feelings with your family and friends

Tell them what you are doing now and how you find more fulfillment in doing it. Let them know that you are approaching gift-giving differently from now on and that you appreciate and cherish your relationship with them, regardless of gifts.

I have given gifts before out of obligation. There was a nagging feeling inside of me telling me that there needs to be something more to it than this. Nonetheless, I did it anyway because I was worried of what others might think if I didn't.

I watched as the money I spent left our bank account and just pushed those uncomfortable thoughts out of my head. I convinced myself that what I was doing was my only option. In reality, it was the only option I was willing to live with. It was either go ahead and give the gifts (which isn't so bad anyway, right?) or possibly be offensive to those I love (unreasonable fear). On the other hand, when I give gifts to friends and family that really feels *right* or to people who have actual needs, I give cheerfully and abundantly.

• Pledge to change WHAT you give for stress free holidays

Instead of buying new, manufactured items from a chain store, only give handmade gifts (by your or others).

Instead of giving tangible items that can be broken, lost, dusty, or end up in the trash or yard sale pile next year, give the gift of love.

Donate to a trusted charity on behalf of a family member or friend and give them something (card or small gift when appropriate) that represents the donation made to a needy person.

Give yourself; your time or talent. This goes along with a handmade gift. write a poem or personal letter of encouragement, about what they mean to you or what they mean to God.

• Pledge to change WHO you give to for stress free holidays

If you enjoy giving gifts to family and friends, I encourage you to keep giving. Giving is wonderful and reflects God's heart when done purely.

You can also do a little investigating in your community to find a family in need. Get the kids' clothing sizes, interests, and other helpful information. Get together with some friends or relatives and surprise the family with food, clothes, gift cards, etc. That could turn out to be much more pleasurable and worthwhile than piling up toys and goodies for already well-endowed children or swapping trinkets with co-workers.

When we all get together: Hosting stress free holidays

Hospitality is a special gift and one that I personally enjoy. I want everyone to feel welcome, comfortable, and have a unique experience in some way. It would be wonderful if our plans always ran smoothly. But, what can we do to ensure that we are well-prepared, organized, and can relax and enjoy stress free holidays along with our guests?

• First of all, don't procrastinate and do pace yourself.
• Clean your home; just as you would normally; dishes, trash, floors, laundry.


• Home Organization Tips

Declutter spaces that you've been neglecting and avoiding. Decluttering is different from cleaning because it ideally involves removal of unwanted/unneeded items; resulting in less to deal with. These are tasks that once done, result in longer-lasting organization as opposed to necessary, daily cleaning efforts.

If you want your children to aid in keeping your house clean and organized, you must instill that value and habit in them. Anyone can learn to be organized. This takes time and much effort, but we must take the time to literally train our kids to have habits that promote order. Make it a daily priority to teach your child organization.

Don't expect such behavior and cooperation just during the three days before the day you are to host a gathering at your home. This should be a daily priority and routine for your family. Your children are a big part of the family and if they can walk and talk, they should be contributing to your stress free holidays cleaning up after themselves and learning to be more aware of their surroundings.

Now that you've got a clean slate, and hopefully support and cooperation from the rest of your household, you can think and see clearly to prepare for the celebration. Continue with the following suggestions and you will be well on your way to having stress free holidays.

• Stay ahead and on track. Life is capricious and managing time can seem tricky, even when you're doing something you've done many times before. Time seems to get away from us without notice, our remaining tasks pile up, and we end up scurrying to complete them in time.

  This can also apply to getting the family ready to go somewhere; especially during the holidays or get-togethers when you may want to spend more time getting things just right.

  Make a plan of what needs to be done. Start working the plan before you think you need to, do everything you possibly can before you think you need do it, and pace yourself. Don't put off a bunch of little tasks because you think you will have plenty of time to do them later. Have as much ready as you can hours or a day(s) ahead of time. Leave room for mistakes, accidents, and adjustments.

  Get into the habit of backing your time line way back so you can allow for more realistic time management. Doing this will provide stress free holidays as a host by allowing you to physically, emotionally, and mentally wind down as it gets closer to the arrival of your guests.

  Even if you are still very tense at the start of your event, asked to be excused or tell another household member you need a few minutes alone to settle your nerves and collect yourself before you begin to engage your company. This could mean the difference between being edgy all night or being able to quickly lose focus of the effort you put forth to create such a delightful day or evening. After all the work you did, it would be a shame if you didn't shift gears to share in everyone's enjoyment of the fruit of your labor.

• How many people are you expecting? If it is a family tradition, it's likely no one will forget to come. But, if it's a non-traditional gathering, you may want to give some form of reminder a couple of days prior.
• What type of food will you provide? If it's a potluck, make a list with the names of everyone who is contributing along with what they commit to bringing. Update the list periodically as more people respond. The best way to do this is through email.

If you are providing the bulk of the meal, plan well to make sure you are ready on time. If you want to try a new recipe, make sure that you have practiced ahead of time so you are not experimenting the day of the party. If you have to, stick to a family favorite or something that you are confident will turn out right.

• A good rule of thumb is to not worry about having enough food. It is more likely you will have more than enough food than not enough. People have a tendency to go overboard with food.
• A good host or hostess always stays calm when things go wrong. How you react to your circumstances dictates how stressed you will be. Take care of mistakes and set backs, but do not allow them to control your mood and don't turn small matters into catastrophes.

Stress free holidays begin with your attitude and in doing what you can do to prevent bumps in the road.

What goes up must come down: Post-holiday let-down syndrome

Feeling disappointed after the excitement is over and it's time to clean up and take down all the decorations and put them away is very normal. But, there is a way to avoid those negative feelings.

• The way I manage my emotions as I approach, enjoy, and look back on holidays is to constantly look at the big picture. I'm not really one to put all my emotional stock into events. I love looking forward to good times, but I know that they will pass and I balance my emotions accordingly. I keep steady the scale between enjoying the moment and keeping both emotional feet on the ground.
• Make plans for the next day, week, or month that you really look forward to and get excited about. Maybe you are going to start a new habit or project. Whatever it is, make the plans. Events are fun, but the joy and meaning of life is in the entire journey and what we do each day in preparation for God's great plans for the next season in our life. Please don't spend your whole life in pursuit of your own plans.
• Scan the next few months as the anticipated occasion approaches. Think about the things you still have to do. Envision the arrival of the day and what you will enjoy most. Let that day come to an end in your imagination. Think about the task of cleaning and putting things away. Now, think about your exciting plans that await you. If your family received any gifts, think about how you will be able to enjoy these gifts throughout the year.

Don't just look a few months ahead. Look years ahead at your bigger life goals and realize that you are getting closer to meeting them.

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