Fireproof Your MarriageTo help fireproof your marriage, I would strongly recommend that you and your spouse watch the movie Fireproof starring Kirk Cameron. Fireproof is for EVERY married couple, anyone thinking of getting married, or anyone who is separated or even already divorced but wants reconciliation with their ex-spouse. It is a high quality, intensely moving, powerfully inspiring, genuinely realistic, and thrilling story. It may very well be a needed eye-opener to help you strengthen and enjoy marriage. One line that I love from the movie is, "Don't follow your heart, lead your heart." Your heart can be very deceptive. Sometimes we have to tell our heart to go in the right direction because it just wants to go down an enticing rabbit trail and get caught in a trap.
Get Redirected During the tough years and every other challenging year and moment in our marriage, we never threw around the word "divorce". Even at times when we didn't necessarily enjoy marriage, we knew it was important to not forsake each other. There were countless times when Joe and I withdrew from each other. But, we learned to draw close to Jesus. When we drew close to Him, He redirected us back to each other. Marriage is called a covenant for a reason. God ordained it, you entered into it, and it is never meant to be broken. Even though there are biblical allowances for divorce, God still loathes it and desires to be called upon to move in your hearts and lives to bring restoration to your [broken] marriage. Jesus showed me how to forgive even though it was the last thing I wanted to do. He gave us the grace and unconditional love to continually make effort to accept each other. He brought change in us so that we could enjoy marriage and each other. He can help change you, too, so you can fireproof your marriage. I allowed Him to begin healing me everywhere I hurt. Only Jesus has the power and will to change your heart and put you in right-standing with God. Exchange your old heart for a new one. When Hope's Spring Dries Up They say that hope springs eternal. But what about when hope's spring dries up? How do you fireproof your marriage when there's no constant flow of life-giving water that's strong enough to prevent or douse the fire? One thing I've learned is that no matter how "over" you think your marriage is, there's hope. Your heart and mind may be screaming, "I want out!" That can change. Feelings are fickle. Don't make decisions based on them. Instead, make decisions that will change your feelings. It's interesting how strong our feelings can be. One moment we can't imagine even touching or looking at our spouse again and when our emotions calm down, we look back and think how silly and exaggerated we behaved and thought. Many people continue in that cycle over and over until the bad thoughts and feelings win and they quit on the marriage. I can't tell you how many times I have been too sick and tired to go on, but I did, anyway. I can't count the times I've "felt" like our marriage, and I, wouldn't recover from the inflicted heartache and disappointment, but I didn't give up. We pressed on and our commitment, love, and compassion for each other grew every time. Every Cold Heart Can Be Warmed Up What are you willing to do to fireproof your marriage? If there is anything in you that wants to save your wounded marriage, you can. It is possible for you to enjoy marriage. How do I know? First, with God, NOTHING is impossible. If you put your marriage in His hands and let Him have his turn at it, you'll be amazed at what He can do. Second, it is God's will that you enjoy marriage. Ask your spouse to agree with you to agree with God. Be comforted and assured that God doesn't require eloquence from you. Just your child-like faith that He loves you and will meet your needs. We have to stop seeing ourselves as the "good one". After a lot of bitterness in a relationship, you may begin to see your spouse as an in-human mass of all the things you don't like about them and ways you don't trust them. As you focus on those things, they stop being a real, valuable person to you and they become an enemy. Your heart becomes cold and you reject the other person and you no longer treat them with love. Instead, your automated responses aim to discredit, disrespect, and defeat them. This is, I believe, a typical behavior that damages marriages. Change the way you respond to your spouse. Yes, it goes against every fiber of your angry, retaliating human nature (I understand VERY well). But, your positive behavior and humility will be contagious and encourage cooperation. The good news is that every cold heart can be warmed up! Sometimes we have to wait on and pray for a long time for our spouse who doesn't seem to care or understand. Hang in there and pursue God's peace and strength to fireproof your marriage. Return to Successful Marriage Tips from Fireproof Your Marriage
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