Child DisciplineYou can be successful with child discipline. If you have a young child,
toddler discipline
is where it all starts. If your kids aren’t behaving or getting their needs met, drop what you’re doing and tend to them. If you keep coming up against a brick wall, figure out what changes you need to make in your routine or response. However, you can turn your child's behavior around at any age by incorporating
discipline techniques.
It's tempting to place blame on someone or something else. But, when it comes down to child discipline, you are in control. Only you can open the door to effectively enforce child discipline. Take hold of the keys and learn to use them. Parenting is not about forcefully controlling other people, such as your child. It is about teaching them to control themselves. Parenting is not about making you feel good about accomplishing beautiful and successful children. It is about producing beautiful and successful children. It is about preparing them to be on their own someday and be able to positively contribute to the world. I decided that if I could be brave enough to accept more responsibility for my daughter’s behavior, I would have sure and expedient breakthroughs. Be Aware Of Dead End Phrases Don't let any of these types of phrases be your motto. They will take you down the wrong path on your journey to have effective child discipline. “I want my child to do this, but I don’t expect him to.” "I tell my child to do this, but they refuse and so it just doesn't get done." "It doesn't matter what I do or say, my child won't listen." "Why can't I just have an easy child/life?" "I don't like the way things are, but I can't change it." "I wish I didn't have to keep dealing with the same things over and over." Just read those phrases and think about them. There are many more with the same result. Remember, the responsibility lies on you to give your child discipline. Don't overlook the impact of what you say. Denial is not the solution. Your child does consistently what he or she gets away with consistently. Endlessly snapping and swatting at your child like a mosquito is not the same as disciplining them. Yelling, crying, and pleading with them doesn't do it, either. Asking your child "Why don't you listen and do what your told" is a joke and waste of breath. I know it's just out of habit and exasperated feelings, but it's time change your approach. Child discipline is a worthy goal and your child is a worthy cause. But, one of the biggest things I learned by being a parent is that many parents need to discipline themselves as well as their children. I'm afraid that too often a parent's attempt to deal with a situation simply becomes entertainment to the child. In general, children seem to have no shame when it comes to seeing just how upset, irritable, loud, and wacko they can cause their parent to be. Find out what works, then do it consistently. Require certain things from your child and supply real, expected consequences. If you're not satisfied with your child's behavior or habits, don't leave it at that by making excuses. Do something about it. Don't quit until you've got it down. Don't stunt your efforts and cut off the life-line to your goals with your words. Really think about what you are telling yourself and your child when you say such things. I am at a point now where I am content with my parenting and child discipline results. I am content, but not satisfied to the point of settling. What Do You Expect? Make clear what you expect of them. Don’t say, “I want my child to do this, but I don’t expect him to.” When you say that, you are effectively telling your child that they don’t have to if they don’t feel like it. You just gave them an option to be lazy, messy, rude, or whatever the result would be of them not doing as they were instructed. Instead of giving in to their current desires and habits, consistently teach them what you expect of them and what the consequences are for not obeying. If your child doesn't like to be social, still require that they greet and respond to people. Even if they don't do well at first, don't act like your efforts are useless. By being negative and honestly not expecting anything of your child, you weaken your ability to have an affect on the matter. It takes faith to continue doing something you know is right before the right thing begins to happen. Keep it up if you want your kids to respond. The following is what I do with my daughter. If someone in a public place is being friendly and offers your child a piece of candy, and your child doesn't respond graciously, kindly return the candy to the person. I think most people understand what you are doing and won't be offended. I find that many people in public places who find pleasure in offering my daughter something like candy are older. Thus, they remember the day when parents had higher standards for their children's behavior. If your child chooses not to say thank you, they also choose NOT to receive the candy, right? While you're at it, go for excellence with your child discipline agenda and have your child learn to speak up and say thank you loud enough for the person to clearly hear it. I just keep guiding my daughter along in the area of socialization. More and more, she'll give me a nice, little surprise and say, "Bye!" and wave to someone she doesn't see often or approach someone and ask them what their name is. Be a consistent, supportive example and your children will follow suit. They'll grow and you will get to enjoy those little surprises. As far as the not-so-good surprises of things that children say in public... you're on your own. :) Just kidding. I understand shyness. I was extremely shy as a child. Because of that, I was sometimes seen as rude. Make it an expectation of your child to be polite and respond to other people. The point is not to force your child to talk - or else, but to constantly encourage and mold your child into making progress in their social development. Again, it's not enough to just say things, you have to lead and teach with expectancy. Apology Accepted There is great power in an apology. It can mean the difference between you and your child parting ways filled with bitterness, anger, and guilt and a strengthening of your relationship with your child. Never be too proud to give due apology to a child. It empowers you to do better next time. It releases you from feelings of guilt. It helps you to regain focus and determination. It brings joy to your child's heart because they feel safe that their parent has sought to bring peace to their situation and relationship. It gives them the feeling that everything's okay, now. It sets an example for your child to follow. Apologizing helps your child to understand that we all makes mistakes, but showing remorse and determining to do better next time can bring healing and partially or completely make up for those mistakes. The quality of your child's life hinges on the health and clarity of your mind and heart. Consistently teach your children to apologize. I worked very hard for many months when my daughter was two years old to instill the value of apologizing. Just about every time she did something wrong, especially that warranted a time out, I made her apologize. I followed with lots of love, then dropped the subject and moved on. I didn't ask her if she wanted to or was ready to apologize. I didn't give her options. I reinforced what was expected of her and as painful as it was for her ego, she did it! Children need to feel remorse when they do wrong or hurt people. Too often, children are allowed to walk away playfully and laughingly after they have just misbehaved or hurt someone. It was difficult to watch what seemed to be excruciating and torturous for my daughter - getting her to open her mouth and say two, simple words. But, I watched and didn't give in. I knew what I was dealing with. Pride and selfishness. To give in to her cries for escape would be the equivalent of giving in to someone going through withdrawals in order to be free from drugs. To not go through it would be to her disadvantage. When the going gets tough, get tougher! You are not doing your child any favors by giving in to their selfish cries. "Look At The Funny Face!" You are also not doing your child any favors when you avoid entering into necessary, problem-solving conflict with them. Don't distract your kids when they are misbehaving. This method is best kept for when they are hurt or scared and you want to comfort them. Or, when you see that they are beginning to show signs of bad behavior, but not after blatant misbehavior. If you child gets angry and hits you, don't give them candy to calm them down or show them a new game to play with to temporarily soothe them. When they are misbehaving is not the time to comfort them. It is the time to enforce child discipline and face the monster within - squarely and firmly. Don't back down, side step, or allow it to continue living... Defeat it! The quicker you take responsibility and have your child take responsibility, the quicker you can have positive change and peace in your hearts and home. Take Courage! I want to offer the inspiration, courage, and equipment you need to be effective at child discipline. I want you to emerge from raising your children with the belief that you did everything you knew to do and learned what you didn't know. If you didn't do your best or have guilt and regret for how you did or have been parenting, I will say this one thing. You can do with it whatever you want, but it's useful... Forgive yourself and put "it" and your children in God's hands. Ask Him to take over and resolve or repair what you can't. The years you feel you have wasted or the children you feel you have had a hand in "ruining" can be redeemed in a way. Sometimes time and heartache are the prices we pay for the experience we receive. No one wants to look back at wasted resources or regretted decisions. But, the God of all comfort will forgive you and heal you every where you (or your children) hurt. Don't let your bad decisions keep you down and bitter. Use your experience to propel your compassion, encouragement, and wisdom to other people needing help with child discipline.Really, our whole lives are wasted if we don't give them back to God. Return to Good Parenting Skills from Child Discipline |
